Lack of Sexual Intimacy in Longterm Monogamous Relationships

For some couples they arrive at a state of low sexual intimacy through a common disinterest and that’s absolutely fine. But for those that are involuntarily facing a sex-starved or sexless relationships it can be agonising. When one person wishes for more intimacy it’s not comfortable for either partner. The one who doesn’t feel the longing for more sexual intimacy he or she can feel pressured and if he/she gives in to the others longing, can feel used and resentful. For the person who wishes for more sexual intimacy he or she can feel utterly rejected and unloved. Thoughts along the lines that they must not be desirable can trigger feelings of resentment, loneliness and a longing to break-up or cheat.

these steps can help turn the situation around.

  1. Check hormonal levels. We are controlled by our hormones in so many ways. The hormonal contraceptives women take are known to decrease libido. Lower levels of testosterone in men can effect their libido.
  2. Check trauma or unaddressed mental illness/emotional issues. Sexual abuse can completely mess up a persons sexual health but so can eating disorders, depression and
  3. Check any addictions. Addictions are coping mechanism that become detrimental. Whether it be constant video-gaming, watching porn or drinking alcohol this can have a profound effect on sex and intimacy.
  4. Are both of you onboard with changing the situation ? Things like unfair load of household chores on one of the partners and a drastic change in physical appearance can have an impact on the desire a man or woman feels for their partner.

For those who have a clear problem the first step is to identify what needs to be worked on. Increasing the amount of affection in the love language of your partner along with more low-level intimacy like touching hands, kissing and hugging. Offer the reluctant partner a massage without expecting anything in return.

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